Custom Son Gifts He Will Not Admit He Loves

From about the age of twelve, most sons answer the question of what they want with one word: nothing. They mean it slightly less every year, but they never say so. The fallback is tech and games, which are easy to buy and forgotten by spring.

What works with sons is rarely openly sentimental. A lot of boys and men are uncomfortable being handed something emotional, especially in front of other people. The gifts that last are sentimental underneath and something else on top: funny, useful, or about the dog rather than about him.

Parents have one unfair advantage here. You hold his entire life on your phone and in the loft. The dinosaur he drew at four, the dog he grew up with, the team photo from the year they won, the picture of him asleep in a pile of laundry. Nobody else can give him any of it.

If it is coming from his siblings rather than from you, the brother version leans much further into the joke.

Small boys: the dinosaur, rocket or digger he drew

Most little boys go through a phase of drawing the same thing two hundred times. Pick the best one and turn it into a pillow shaped exactly like the dinosaur he drew. Seeing his own drawing become a real object is a reaction worth filming.

Small boys: a backup for the favourite teddy

Photograph the teddy he cannot sleep without and print it as a cushion. When the original goes missing on holiday, as it eventually will, there is a stand in that looks exactly right.

Teenagers: the team photo

The squad from the season they won the league, or the friends he has played alongside since primary school. Teenage boys who would never keep a family photo will keep a team one.

Eighteen and up: his own face, as the joke

For an eighteenth or twenty first with his friends around, his head printed and cut to shape turns the present into the party's main event.

Twenties: his first place

For a son setting up a flat with no furniture beyond a mattress and a games console, a first flat present that is not a toaster brings a bit of home into a very bare room.

Becoming a dad

The photo of him holding his first child, given on his first Father's Day as a dad himself, with a photo of you holding him as a baby on the back. Few gifts land harder than that pairing.

Sons, especially teenage ones, tend to hate posed photos of themselves. The pictures they actually like are usually candid, taken by friends, or not really about them at all.

• His friends' phones. The best recent photos of a teenage boy are almost never on his parents' phones. A quiet message to a friend you trust often produces something he genuinely likes.
• Sports clubs and schools. Many post match and event photos online. Ask for the original file rather than saving the picture from social media.
• Your own camera roll, filtered by the dog. Photos where he is with the pet are usually relaxed, natural and free of the forced smile.
• Printed photos in the loft. For an adult son, the pictures from his early childhood are often on paper. Photograph them flat by a window, straight on.

Upload two or three and look at each in the free preview before choosing. A photo that looks fine on a phone screen can show a lot more at 40 cm, for better or worse.

• The sixteenth, eighteenth and twenty first birthdays, often as the joke version with a sincere photo on the back.
• Leaving home for university, an apprenticeship or basic training.
• Graduation and passing out parades, when there is a new photo the whole family wants printed.
• His wedding, as a mother of the groom present with a picture of him as a small boy.
• The birth of his first child.
• Christmas, in the 20 cm size, as the stocking filler he does not expect.
• After a hard time, like a break up, a lost job or a rough first term, when he would never ask for anything but a parcel from home helps.

With sons, the unexpected moments often work better than the big dates, because there is no audience and nobody expects him to react.

With sons, the shorter the note, the more likely it is to be read twice. A few approaches that work across ages:

• Keep it dry. Thought the dog should come with you is a complete card. He will understand everything it is not saying.
• Match the gift. If the front is the joke, the card should be too. Save the sincere line for a text message a few days later, when he is on his own.
• For an adult son, write one honest sentence. Grown men rarely hear their parents say they are proud of them in plain words, and a single line on a card often ends up kept in a drawer for years.
• Sign it from the dog as well. It costs nothing and it is the part he will mention when he calls.

If he is a long way from home, slip the note inside the cushion's packaging rather than taping it to the outside. Parcels at bases, hostels and shared houses get handled by a lot of people before they reach him, and the note is meant for him alone.

• 20 cm for younger boys, kit bags and carry on cases.
• 40 cm for a teenager's bed, a halls room or the sofa in his first flat. The most ordered size for sons.
• 60 cm for the face version, where the joke needs the head to be bigger than his real one, or for a grid of team photos.
• The back is printed at no extra cost, so the funny photo and the sincere one can share a cushion.

It ships to wherever he is, with a note, or to you to wrap. The photo is dyed into the fabric rather than printed on top, so it handles the realities of a boy's bedroom: being thrown, sat on, used as a pillow on a long drive and put through a cool wash afterwards. Air dry it rather than tumble drying and the colours stay sharp.

Parents and sons often disagree about which childhood photos are adorable. A few are best kept off anything he might display.

• Bath time and nappy photos. Charming to you, mortifying to him, and permanently so once his friends have seen them.
• The awkward years. Braces, a bad haircut or a growth spurt phase are fair game for a sibling joke but sting when chosen by a parent. Wait until he can laugh about them himself.
• Photos with an ex. Even years later, a former girlfriend or boyfriend at the edge of the frame ruins it. Crop them out completely or choose another picture.
• Opening the sincere version in front of his friends. A cushion of him and his mum is lovely in private and difficult at a party. Give the sentimental one quietly and the joke one publicly.
• Leaving out his brothers and sisters. If the gift is not tied to his own birthday or milestone, siblings notice. One each costs exactly what one costs, times the number of children.
• A low resolution photo for a big size. School photos scanned years ago can look soft at 60 cm. Check the free preview carefully, or drop to 40 or 20 cm.

The rule of thumb is simple: if you would not show the photo to his friends, do not print it on something he might put on his bed.

Guides for the rest of the family and the dates sons are most often bought for.

• the daughter version of this guide, if you have one of each
• Birthday photo gifts, for the sixteenth, eighteenth and twenty first
• gifts for him once he is grown, the broader guide for men
• photo presents for the stocking, for Christmas morning